Dancing Dolls- Episode 6



Neil was trying to talk to Alifa, but she constantly kept on ignoring him. He texted her, asking her to meet him the next day at 7:30 a.m in the studio. He wanted to talk to her about something really important.





The next day was a Sunday, so there was no school and the NRS was filled with the dance students from the morning itself. Neil was waiting for Alifa since 7:10 am. He was worried and was walking continuously from one end of the room to the other, completely lost in the confusions of his mind. His mind was wondering whether Alifa would come or not. But his heart said that she would surely come, because she was very considerate towards others. His heart was right! How could Alifa not come to the person whose happiness mattered to her the most.


Yes, she came at about 7:40.


On seeing her, Neil was so relieved and ran up to her and gave her a tight hug. Alifa did not reciprocate coz if she had done, she would have fell down for him again.


Neil-   I am so glad you are here. I was so worried whether you would come or not.

Alifa- Say, why did you call me this early and so urgently?


Neil- Just a sec…. (He brings two sitting cubes near Alifa.) Please sit down first. (They both sit.) ……. First tell me, are you upset with anything that I have ever said to you?

Alifa- No, not at all.

Neil- Then why were you ignoring me? I tried to talk to you so many times but every time you walked away.

(Alifa’s whole body became still for a moment. She wasn’t able to decide what to speak.)

Alifa- No, you are thinking…..

Neil- (interrupting)….. See, I know you are upset and angry. And I even know why you are angry. So, there’s no good in hiding anything.


You are upset with me because I refused to dance with you, right?

(Alifa did not say anything. She tries to avoid his gaze biting her lip with her eyes wandering here and there. She wasn’t able to say anything.)

Neil- Your silence tells that I am right.

See, Alifa……

(Neil keeps both his hands on her shoulders and turned her towards him.)

Listen, I am sorry for what I have done……… I kept both of our careers as well as the reputation of NRS on stake, just for my selfish reasons….. I am really sorry.

(Tears rolled down from his eyes as he said those words.)

I should have thought about it before, but you know na how stupid I am…


(Seeing Neil for the 1st time in this avatar, Alifa also started crying with him, for she was the most sensitive girl one could ever meet with.)

Alifa- Hey…….. Shhh…..

Don’t be sorry yaar. Everybody makes mistakes. If you genuinely regret it and apologise from your heart, it’s fine.

Neil- Did you forgive me?

Alifa- I was never angry with you….. (in her mind- “How can I be? I was just handling my awkward self! Sorry for this rude behavior.”)

Neil- Oh God! Thanks…..

Thank you, Alifa. You don’t know how much better you made me feel.

Alifa- Was it just this thing for which you called me so urgently???

(She gave a puzzled look with her eyebrows lifted up.)

Neil- No!

Alifa, I have been practicing with Jazz for about 3 days now, but…….I…….I…….I shouldn’t say this, but…..there’s something missing between us. I mean…….we don’t get the steps perfectly like they should be. I am not saying she’s a bad dancer, but you know na, her forte is traditional/folk/Indian type and we are doing Paso Doble. I do like her a lot, but I’m sure that is not at all helping us in the chemistry which is needed for this routine.

Alifa- Hmm…. So now, what do you think you’ll do???

Neil- (Holds her hands)

Will you please please please dance with me? I have always admired you for your dance. You are so flawless. You are a ballerina. No one else can do this international form better than you…. Alifa, will you please be with me this time?

Alifa- (Thinking……)

(Oh God! He says there is something missing between him and Jazz…. And he is asking me to dance with him! Does he think that we both can have a better chemistry than him and Jazz?? He is saying I am flawless in dance….Oh God! Why this???- when I’m trying to walk away from him. I know he can never like me, then why?…… Umm, I think it’s not necessary for me that even he feels the same for me. But it would have been better. But still, what’s wrong to dance with him??? After all, I’ve always wanted to!!!)

Neil- What happened? Where are you lost?? What do you say? Whether you will………?

Alifa- Yes!

Neil- Thank you so much Alifa.

(Takes out something from his pocket)

Here, take this- a ‘Thank You’ gift from me.

(He hands her a chocolate bar.)

Alifa- But what about Jazz? Have you talked to her about this?

Neil- No, but I’ll handle it with her. She won’t disagree with me. She will take up the ‘Female Duet’ again.

Alifa- Okay then, great!

When are we starting our practice?

Neil- Tomorrow– Monday.

With a new week, with a new partner, we will start a new routine. Everything new & fresh! (winks at Alifa)


(Alifa in turn gave him a big smile. Her eyes sparkling like stars!)



Next Day


Alifa was up awake by 5:00 am. She sipped her coffee which her mom had brought to her, as soon as she woke up. Alifa had the most loving family which consisted of her house-oriented mother, her father with so-modern outlook and her sweet, straight and simple but quite athletically built strong, muscular, elder brother – who was 3 years older to her. Her mom and dad looked so beautiful together. Alifa had savoured one of their young-age photos in which they stood together and looked really like “Bollywood Hero & Heroine”. Her mom looked really young and no one could guess her age. Her father, although had an athletic body, but his face was withered from the many years’ continuous hard-core work. She also had a granny- who also looked very young with an awesome glow in her face- might have been very beautiful when she was young.


So, this was her family- a middle-class typical Indian family.


After having coffee, Alifa went straight to her terrace, spread out her Yoga Mat in the light of the early sun and started on her daily Yoga Routine.


She was a perfectionist and was very active in everything. What was called ‘being lazy’- she didn’t know, coz she had never ever experienced that.


After 45 minutes of Yoga and 15 minutes of Aerobics, she went down to take a bath and get ready for school…..She reached the school at 7:15 am. The school used to begin at 7:30.





The bell rang for recess.


A few girls- Neil’s best friends, surrounded him for their usual chat. Alifa opened up her Tiffin Box which had vegetable sandwich, sprouts and some dry fruits. She was a true dancer—she had not only practiced her postures and steps so well, but had also practiced a perfect balanced diet for years. She was ‘almost’ perfect in her field. Amaya- Alifa’s best friend, was sitting next to her.


Neil excused his friends and rushed to Alifa. He sat in front of Alifa’s bench and faced towards her and said-


“I have selected a few songs…. We both will decide which one is to be chosen amongst them….”

“Yeah, it’s fine!”

Neil sees her tiffin.

“Oh! Can I have one?”

“Yeah, why not? Take!”

Alifa and Amaya were quite amazed and shared a 2-second glance with each other. Neil had never been so friendly with her.


“Thanks Alifa! You always bring healthy stuff, I guess! You know na, I ‘m so lazy. I can’t manage my own breakfast. Yeah, my mom does, but she makes the tiffin according to my younger brother’s likes and dislikes! She has no time to make two separate dishes! So, the whole family has to bear with my bro’s choices! Ah, poor me! My mum is a working lady, so she is very busy always and I can’t argue with her on that…..especially for such ‘food’ issues! Hahah….”


“Hey! Yaar, it’s fine! Come on! Here, take this also. I have already had a really heavy breakfast today before leaving home.”


“No..no…no… You eat! Listen! I have also downloaded a few videos and they are awesome. Today in the evening, first we’ll see them and then we’ll start our practice.”


“Sure. Listen. I have the Annual Function DVD of my previous school at Agra. Once, some of them performed Paso Doble. I will bring the DVD of that.”


“That would be great! So done! Today, 4:00 pm sharp! Okay???”


“Yeah, done!”


Neil snags away some sprouts from Alifa’s lunchbox and goes to his place-

“Thanks for this!”

Alifa and Amaya  laugh…


Which is your best part of the day?

My favorite and best parts of the day are –

Early morning [5-8 : If during vacations I have the courage to wake up at 5 😉 ]


Late night (‘the about to go to bed’ time).

Let me explain.


I like mornings because whatever might have happened last night, morning makes you forget almost everything (sometimes it may not be able to make you forget those things but definitely it may vanish the pain to a lot extent which had been terrible the last night).

I always want my mornings to be the mornings when I am not frustrated or I don’t shout on anybody (coz this is common- I really don’t want any interference in my morning pleasure and so I shout at everybody for disturbing me when I am in my quality time).

Also, the cool breeze in the morning- whether its summer, winter or rainy – just mesmerizes me.

And in that coolness, drinking tea/coffee with the family is just so awesome.

Reading the newspaper- again gives immense pleasure.

Then, what I do is just an obvious thing to do for me- I would always do that- I switch on my TV , change to a music channel, increase the volume to a great height and listen the awesome music – sometimes I even groove with the beats- and truly, that’s the most beautiful part of the day.

And now, a new thing has been added to my list- checking mails and browsing the blog world! WOW!!!

What else would be better other than having a great start to your day by the following routine? Just imagine the pleasure of it !

  • Drinking a Tea/coffee
  • Then reading the newspaper
  • Listening to music or dance
  • Blog Browsing

From the past few days, really I have been thinking that the best way to start a day is this routine.

I get overjoyed by experiencing the feeling of reading blogs just after waking up and trust me, its like, I am really experiencing what is written on that blog.

A fresh feeling comes.




As soon as the time to go to bed comes, I get glad! Why? Because I know the time is approaching when no one will say “why are you being so lazy and sleeping”? I love to sleep- coz I love to dream- I love to see what I have never seen- I love to experience what I can never experience in this world!

I also love the bed time coz I know – no one will see if I am thinking something keeping my eyes open or keeping them closed- no one will know if I am smiling at something or crying in the darkness- no one will know if I am deep in my dreams with the highest pleasure I ever had coz my day was good or if I am sleepless coz of something unfortunate that happened in my life. The night time is the quality time of any person- time to analyse oneself – time to imagine things which else would never happen- time to cherish past moments- time to just relax- or time to make plans.

I just love it when I enter my dream world!!!

Which is your best part of the day? Infact, what is in your point of view, an ideal day ??? – Say, an ideal day routine!! What kind of routine you enjoy???

Is spending so many years for ‘this’ education worth it?

7th May
Today, I had been discussing with my father about buying a camera, when a strange thing happened which made me ashamed of myself in spite of these 13 years of education.

Amazon.in has offered huge discounts on its products for these 3 days – 6th, 7th and 8th May. On 6th, yesterday, I saw the newspaper, with Amazon’s ad on it. But I didn’t care to go through the offers in a fit of mad anger. This is because I always used to go through such offers but my parents would never pay attention to buying them.

Today, while I was sitting with my father in the living room this afternoon, he showed me the newspaper with Amazon’s ad on the front page.

He told me to see the offer which he had encircled. I saw- – I was delighted for it was a camera with 54% discount. I was happy.

We were discussing about the Megapixels, memory card, etc. etc. when my mother asked me referring to my father, “Would he really buy?”.

I said, “Yes, he would.”

And I and my father both said to my Mom that it is so necessary to have a digital camera especially if people are interested in photography.

He said, “Its 54% off.”

Then he wondered what would be its actual price.

My father is Graduate but I and even he, never thought he was so good in math.

I was wondering the actual price of the camera by the complex algebraic process churning up in my mind. But at the same time my father suggested some other method which I had never heard of.

That’s why I ignored him and kept on doing my work.
Then I took calculator and I started to calculate according to my process (algebraic process which we are taught in schools). It came around Rs. 4250.

I told him but he said,” No, it would definitely be something around Rs.5000”. When he calculated, it came around Rs. 4750.

Then I took a paper and a pen and calculated again systematically which was a very long process of course.

The answer came Rs. 5000 and now I was correct this time.
The price of camera after discount was Rs.2300.

Then my father told how to calculate it on calculator. Type 2300, add 54 with the symbol % to get the answer i.e. 2300+54%. But that was 200% wrong step, we both realized.

Coz in this step we were adding 54% of 2300 to 2300.
The ones who know anything about computer language might know that in computers ‘%’ sign means mod and that is a completely different operation from the way we use this ‘%’ sign.


So, even I suggested my father that in calculators and all, this ‘%’ sign means something else. But he continued to explain me his way.

He said let’s take 5000 according to you to be the actual price.
Type “5000-54% = “ in the calculator.

And guess what?

The calculator showed the result 2300.


That was what we wanted. Now, it was confirmed that Rs.5000 was the actual price and when discounted 54%, it was marked Rs. 2300.

I was shocked!

I asked him to explain me again.
He did.
I couldn’t believe.

Then he said me to explain my method.

I took the paper and pen and solved again the problem with algebraic process and it took me almost a minute to solve systematically.

But through calculator just a few seconds.

I mean to say, its good that in schools we are taught, made to practice and we are tested the actual method how to solve a given problem – the systematic method – which helps us to know what is the logic used behind some digital devices. That is perfectly OK. This method tells us actually what we are doing.

But can we really afford to use this method in real life. REALLY?

Really, we can’t afford to loose one full minute calculating, discount % , discount, actual price, marked price,etc. in front of – say a customer!

My point is- why aren’t we taught practical methods alongwith these theoretical methods???

Why aren’t we made to use calculators to solve DAILY LIF PROBLEMS in schools???

O f course, we can all do basic addition, subtraction, multiplication and division on calculators. But can we solve such real life problems on calculators in just one or two steps??— we can’t.

When I got to know this method, I could not look into my father’s eyes, but instead – laughed at myself.

Why are we just made to read MORAL SCIENCE books – why can’t they be TAUGHT to us? Why can’t we be made to understand them?

Theoretical approach is the most important to know the logic behind. But what is its use if we don’t know where it is to be used & how?

Daily life situations definitely need to be handled practically- theoretically , they can only be understood and organized and planned.

An engineer is surely more dignified and educated than the technician. But even he/she can’t do all the work by himself/herself. He can give directions always, but can’t implement always.

While a technician can do all the work if guided , and almost all the works necessary in daily life, just by himself with his experience! Strange! Isn’t it?

So, definitely, students, alongwith being imparted bookish knowledge, should also be made to develop skills. So that, even if they are not good in academics, they can still do something – the basics required for a basic peaceful life!!!

Out of Order!

Yes, I am out of order these days. I am out of my physical as well as mental order. I don’t know why. I think it is because I have nothing to think about these days and it is said ,”An empty mind is a house of the devil.”

I have been suffering so much these days. I don’t have a good routine. I wake up whenever I want, I sleep whenever I want – be it the day time or night, I just keep on using Internet, and my most favorite timepass -TV- is also away from me these days. These days are my summer vacations. It has been 1 and a 1/2 months since the new academic session has started and still I have not started with my self studies. I have given my Board Exams one and a half month before and I decided I would relax for sometime and then start again for class 11th with full and fresh energy.

But I failed to regain that energy, that consciousness, that sound-mind, that ready-to-work behaviour. I don’t know why.

All my classmates and friends have already started to prepare for 11th, 12th and other competitive exams.

And I am still there where I was 1 and a 1/2 months before.

I am ambitious. I think about my future. I have pretty well decided and defined what I want to do in future and when. But I fail to execute. How can I start to execute my plans if my mind is not ready. My mind needs something to occupy it- but that occupation should not be of thoughts- that occupation should be the ‘processing’ required to complete various tasks. And then surely I would be ‘in the order’.

But still I wonder HOW?

I know everything about me coz I have analysed things a lot (more than required).

But I am still there, where I was 1 and a 1/2 months before.

In the hope of ‘my’ revival !



Oh my God!
I had just forgotten that today it has been exactly 1 month since I started my blog and I’m pretty glad about it.
Writing has always helped me eradicate my worries, my tensions, my mind’s preoccupation, my sadness, my anguish, my outbursts of frustration, etc…etc……
I thank all of the co-bloggers to have found time and read my blog.
Thank you so much. It gives me immense pleasure that there are people with whom I can share what I feel without the fear of what they might think about me-coz they are unknown but so close to heart, and slowly will become friends-coz they have helped me in the most difficult time of mine by reading what I want to express.
Really, I read on the internet that to come out of depression or sadness , out of many ways, one way which is found in almost every website giving suggestions on this topic that- you should pen down your feelings or you can even start a blog!
And now, being a blogger I assure you it does- a lot!
It Is not that I read this suggestion and then started to blog. NO!
I had always wanted to express myself and so I started.
Well in this 1 month, there were many many hard times. But whenever I thought I was in a state of writing something, I wrote and then published it immediately and waited for any response.
And it made me really joyful to see “ _______ likes your post _____” or “ ________ is now following your blog ‘desiretoexpress’ “.
Really thanks a lot to all of you who are reading my blog, thank you all my followers.
I am quite interested in knowing people around the world, knowing them, their culture, the places where they live , and so on………. they just amaze me. And wordpress gives me just the perfect place to do so.

Well, my co-bloggers, I have a problem to share with all of you.map
I am an Indian.
And I noticed that in the ‘TRAFFIC INDICATOR MAP’ in our dashboards, India’s map is wrong. It shows a part of northern India in Pakistan and another northern part in China.
Please help me , what can I do to get the map correct???
Please do let me know.


Really sometimes, your time is seriously bad, no matter how much you try to make it good, correct everything which is going on wrong. It just doesn’t work sometimes to correct your time.

Now it is high time for me. I really have to figure it out. I have to figure out the solution to my problem.
I exactly don’t know how to detect depression through scientific or clinical method. But I really do know its normal symptoms which match with my behavior enough to prove that I have been suffering from severe depression from a long time.
I don’t know whether I am correct or not about this coz I have not visited doctor to talk about this problem of mine. I may or may not have depression, but for me, the mental conditions which I am experiencing are no less than depression.
Constantly, I have been acting weirdly, outbursts of anger to my parents, especially my mom, are common these days and they do make me feel guilty. But what else can I do to remove my frustration.
This condition of mine has been since a few weeks before my Board Exams. I can’t even imagine now how difficult it was for me to cope up with this mental instability and study for exams. It’s a wonder to me today, how I studied during that horrible time. I was initially depressed not because I was pressurized to score good marks in exams, but because of some problems in my personal relations. These problems led me to initial stages of depression. I realized that my mental condition is not good and because of that I got more depressed and feared that I might not perform my best in exams. And that led to more severe depression. Even after my exams ended, the initial problem of mine did not combat. I was still in depression. Last week, I was in a severe-severe depression. This was the most deadly time. My daily routine during this fearful week was- I returned home from school, ate my lunch just after, then I either sat on internet for 3-4 hours at a stretch or I would go to sleep for 4-5 hours. Then again I would sit on Net or just wander here and there with down face. My mom obviously noticed that something was wrong with me because she was the one in the family to face my fits of mad anger the most, but she can never ever imagine the extent to which I am disturbed.
These days my mind was always preoccupied with negative thoughts and I was undergoing obsession.
These days I prayed to God daily to make me normal.
But, a few days back on 10th April, I don’t know how- may be because I shared a bit of what’s going on in my life to one of my best friends, that I felt a bit happy and relaxed that day.
I was really very happy that I was finally able to come a bit out of depression. I think it was too much for me to face it now. That’s why I became a bit normal.
I really thanked God at night that day and requested Him to bless me and keep me normal further.
The next day 11th April also was quite a happy one. I was taking lunch with my father, and mother was also sitting there idly. Me and my father were discussing something laughing. We always talk a lot while taking lunch or dinner about wide variety of topics and mother always listened to us frustrated coz we talked with the TV on. So it was always quite a noisy eating time. But the last week, I lacked that kind of conversation. My mother had noticed. So when on 12th, I was laughing and discussing with my father about something, my mother said, “Aaj dekhi hoon isko ek hafte baad hanste hue.” (Today, I see her laughing after a week.)

That’s true!
I laughed approximately after a week. I am lucky enough to have coped up with this problem in just a week of severe depression and after months of ‘slight depression’.
Others, especially of my age, may be suffering from ‘severe-severe depression’ from months or maybe years.
I whole heartedly pray to GOD for the mental well being of my these fellow beings.
But still time remains bad. Some or the other bad thing happens. I cry also. But I try not to turn that cry into hours of sadness. Instead I try to forget it and look forward to future. But still its very difficult.
One can face physical ailment, but it is very very hard to come out of mental instabilities, disorders, preoccupations, obsessions, depression, etc.
And once you come out, you are a true fighter. To have faced such mental illness, is an act of bravery, courage, which everyone can’t handle.
But time does not change so soon. If bad time comes, it will remain for long. So we can’t wait for it to change to come out of our mental problem. In that bad time itself we have to make ourselves stronger and stronger with the hope that soon good days will come back.
And yes, ‘Good Days’ will surely follow. After having faced such bad time and depression, and coming out of it while bad time still persists, when good days will come you will be proud of yourself.
You will surely be!!!

Best Wishes to all!



Hello everybody

Today I am going to introduce myself to you all a little more—I am going to introduce my HSP side, actually not a side , its whole of me, I am completely an HSP.

You might be wondering what is HSP???

So, here it is HSP – Highly Sensitive /Hyper Sensitive Person

Yes I am a Highly Sensitive Person – more than a quality it sometimes becomes a drawback.

Today’s incident only, an hour back only , I realised this fact again.

I went to a nearby stationary shop to buy notebooks for my new academic session. My friend has bought medium size 200 page notebooks as she thinks they are pretty cute – small and light to be kept in the bag. But I thought at least for Physics and Chemistry I need register size 200 page notebooks because the whole year I need it, since now no more semester system and also I need it for next year as well.How many notebooks I will maintain for a single subject???? -This was my thought. But I didn’t want to be “odd one out” as well.

While I was creating a list for the required things before going to the shop, I kept on thinking and thinking about whether I should buy register size or a medium size one. I kept on imagining what it will look like if I write in each of them and compared them. This was seriously too much thinking coz its just about buying notebooks. Its nothing right or wrong in that. But still I kept on thinking.

Even when I went to the shop, I still kept on thinking and thinking.

It irritated me a lot to think so.

Earlier I had read an article about the problems of HSPs. This is really a problem for me and I am frequently unable to make quick decisions because of this. When I read the article I realized, how I used to take so much time in making such petty decisions. So I decided to try not to care a darn in such petty decision making situations.

So, when I recalled this, then I thought “Let it be. I’ll see what happens. I’ll buy register size ones only.”

And with a hard heart I decided to do so overcoming my HSP problem.

But still its a huge huge and huge problem for me.

Does it also happen with anyone of you???? Please share it with me.

Anyone if knows the solution for this please let me know………….


From the Treasury Of My Previous Writings — Part 2

Childhood — Lost Somewhere In The Childhood

Oh! I wish those childhood days

Could come back in any way

Childish innocence, love and carelessness

These memories cherish life long seriousness.

When I see my siblings play

My heart really does go fail

Then I regret why I lost

this beautiful morning frost

And became much mature

than had time demanded

Why hadn’t I been childish for long

& have been tension free and daily singing song

I could have played those “baby” games

& have forgotten the “tension’s” name.

I had known which I must have not known

Or I should have known when I had grown more.

Why I was in such a haste

& knew what a mature should and made it all waste.

When I see children around

Jump & fall & laugh around

 My heart really does go fail

& I am almost about to wail.

One more reason for not enjoying

Childhood fully upto its brim

Is that my elders had been so protective

That being a girl I was locked in.

Our minds had already been set

what we call today being conservative

Since we didn’t live in any ‘colony’

Playing was merely a waste of time.

Even I can’t explain all this

But I really do feel this

I can’t write any more coz if I do so

I may feel I’m blaming my society.

I just know this much that I have spent my childhood

The way I should have never done for my good

I had grown mature before time

And had lost that little childish smile

But still I don’t know the reason behind this

So I end up here with just these lines.