On Track?

Hi guys!

Today, I had been in a long life-chat with my aunt. And suddenly I realised, that lately I have been quite off-track. Off-track in the sense that my goals, wishes, ambitions have been quiet not-right. I have been giving my emotional sanity way way too much importance than I should have. Life has so many other things to take care of! I had actually (unfortunately, but I have to say this) gone off-track. Had focused at the wrong side of things like friendships, relationships, my desires, pleasures, people’s perceptions, etc. But after this hours long chat with my aunt, I realised the purpose of what I am doing and what should be the purpose of what I have to do! I need to be strong emotionally as well as financially. So I think now, I will focus more on what will strengthen me and my near and dear ones, and not more on what is right and what is wrong and whether it is the right time or not. Rather, I would focus more on improving my  conditions and those of my loved ones, better. And rather than thinking too much about anything, if I feel that my one particular action can better up certain things, I think I’ll now try to do them.

 

Life is too short, but still we have to make it big! And I need to stop scheduling out things into the future. I should not focus on my amount of preparations, whether it is a perfect day or not, rather I should focus on how far it is left to attain success at that particular job.

 

I have now realised, that I have to create for myself a fresh set of ideologies and principles that I will have to bind myself to work upon, because had my stale set of ideologies been good enough, I would have not been in such a miserable state. That’s a clear indication that many things are not right with me, and I do need to change certain ways.

 

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Heart’s Call

Is it an illusion

or a string of connection

that is pinching me today,

forcing me to believe

you’re coming my way?

 

Why all of a sudden

this strange feeling had to happen?

It’s a sweet feeling for sure.

You’ve come for a broken heart,

you’ve come to cure.

And a realisation hit hard

thag our love is so pure.

 

How silly I am to believe!-

Out of all the things, you’re thinking of me !

It turns out to be true, now that’s my plea.

Please fulfill this need, please make me free.

 

How come I never felt this before?

When you were around all those times

and we had been exchanging

stares and smiles?

 

Why do I feel this?

When you are nowhere, even in a few miles.

After all this while

while our love had been in exile?

 

Is it just my overthinking

Or is it just my stupid mind

Are you thinking of me?

Is it really some telepathy?

 

How badly I wish this to be true.

How badly I wanna communicate

How excited I am to hear your name

How eager I am to feel your presence!

 

Don’t test my patience more

Coz I have already passed that with flying colours.

Now, it’s time for my reward

And to receive that, I’m losing it all.

 

Strange enough

I feel your touch

Which I never ever had.

Strange enough

Mind speaks your name

Even if it’s out of context!

 

Please come soon

Wanna see the glow of

The big love moon…

3rd Blog Anniversary

Hey Guys !

How are you all doing? Well, today is my Blog’s 3rd Anniversary !!! Yayy.. I am happy that now it has been a pretty good time here, but a bit disappointed in myself to not give this blog my time. But it’s okay. There are some priorities and there are some limitations as well. Priorities as in you all know about that. Limitation as I have previously mentioned in some of my posts is the fear of digging deep into your feelings. So one of the reasons for not giving this blog that much time is this. But at the same time I would also like to say is that writing has a very liberating feeling associated with it. A certain specific sense of relief and calmness.

 

Well, 3 years of the journey of Blog World ! A lot has changed. I started up as an opinionated teen aggressive on some political issues. Went through the self loathing and then self motivation phase.. and then the neutral phase.. where I am not THAT affected by too many things… going through all of these phases here on this blog. Feels great to have something that reminds me of my most significant transformations.

 

It’s been a pretty long time. Those who started their blogs near about the time I started, guys.. where are you all??

Those who have just connected with me on this network.. how’s life going on guys??

 

You know what, I really love reading life updates. So if any of you guys are up to writing a post about your current scene, please share the link.. 😊😊

 

 

Faqr

Saamne na sahi…
Khwaabon mein hai tumhari maujoodgi
Pal bana na sakoon saath tumhare
Par yaadon mein hai tumhari deewangi
Aur kuchh na sahi
Bas dil de baithe hain
Izhaar kar nahi sakte kabhi
Par naam roz liya karte hain…
Ab to aadat si hai humko aise jeene mein
Yaadon ke sahare kitni raatein humne bitayi hain
Zindagi ke lamho ki tarah
Wo haseen sapne bhi yaad hain
Jinme meherbaani se kabhi
tumne dastak di hai
Aakhir tumse judi har cheez
Hai humein behadd azeez

Tum bin itni veeraan hai zindagi
Ki sirf tumhara naam lena hi sukoon de deta hai..
Kya hai yeh, kyun hai yeh
Kya khabar, haan magar
Jo bhi hai
Bada achha lagta hai..
Saalon beetne par bhi
Mohabbat qayam rahe
To faqr hota hai.

 

Kashmkash

Har pal… kahe kyun ye mujhse…
Ek aawaaz doon tumhe..
Ek khat.. likh doon tumhe..
Ek paigaam chhod jaaun tumhe…
Ek salaam ..keh doon tumhe..
Bas ek baar baat ho tumse…

Har pal… kahe kyun ye mujhse..
Pal nahi hain ab aur tumhare paas..
Jo bhi hain dil ke khaas
Khol do unhe apne dil ke haseen raaz..
Bas ek baar… bichhde yaar..
Jo ki hai anjaan
Bhej do use
Chaahat ka paigaam
Keh do use
Apne gehre jazbaat..
Reh na jaye ve ankahe
Alvida ka waqt na aa jaye, bina salaam kahe…

Bas ek baar…
Sharm-o-haya chhod ke
Imaan ko darkinar karke
Guroor ko andekha karke
Duniya ko bhool karke
Keh do unhe
Dil mein hai kya
Zindagi ka hissa bana lo unhe phir se..
zindagi ho na jaye zaaya.

Har pal.. kahe kyun ye mujhse
Himmat to dikhao
Ek baar keh ke to dekho
Shayad qismat ho saath tumhare
Shayad unke dil mein bhi
Ho tumhari yaadein
Shayad intezaar unhe bhi ho tumhara
Shayad kehne ko tumse,unka jee machala jaa raha..

Har pal.. dil ghabra jaye
Kya hoga agar wo jawaab na de paye..
Agar unhe hum yaad nahin..
Agar koi mayne na rakhe unhe humari maujoodgi.
Kya hoga agar hum unka waqt barbaad karein
Agar humse bhi zaroori ho unke naye naate
Agar bhool chuke ho hume sadiyon pehle..
Kya hoga agar aisa hua?
Kya iss taaze dard ko tum seh paoge?
Pehle hi zakhmon ko bharte hue..
Itna waqt hai beet chuka
Kya phir se malham lagane ka
Sabr rakh paoge..?
Itna waqt kya tum
phir se de paoge?

Kya hoga agar
Tumhari wapasi unhe taqleef de…
Agar tum purane dard ..yaad dila do unhe
Mushkil se bhoola ho unhone jinhe
Agar saath tumhara ho kamzor karta unhe
Agar gairmaujoodgi ne tumhari sayana bana diya unhe
Wapas jaakar sab tabah kar doge?
Mushkil se jo khatm kiya, yun hi phir shuru kar doge?

Itna aasan nahi aana aur chale jana
Chale jaana aur aana
Tamasha nahi ye pyaar
Par tamasha bana diya tumne
Khel nahi ye pyaar
Par khel bana diya tumne
Kyunki
Qismat ke bharose chhod diya
Phir bhi aas lagakar intezaar kiya..
Aur karte aa rahe ho
Aur karte rahoge
Intezaar jiska kar rahe ho
Wo shayad kabhi na aaye..
Phir bhi tum dheet ho..
Aas lagakar intezaar karoge
Baithe rahoge
Qismat par chhodoge..
Aas lagakar baithoge
Aur intezaar karoge…
Intezaar karoge
Zindagi barbaad karoge..
Aur intezaar karoge…

Har pal… kahega tumse
Intezaar ki ghadi khatm
Ab keh hi do unse..
Zindagi ko hain baaki din chaar
Ye din aayenge na baar baar
Keh do yahi hai mauka-e-izhaar
Bas ek khat
Likh do ek baar…

Har baar… dil darega kahega
Kya hoga agar hui ye aakhri baat
Kya hoga agar hui ye aakhri mulaqaat
Kya iss aakhri milan ko mukammal kar paoge?
Nahi kar paye to zindagi bhar rakhna malaal !

 

 

 

Secret Superstar!

Hi!

Hope you’re having a wonderful day. A few weeks back, I watched a movie called ‘Secret Superstar’. It’s about a 14 year old girl Insia who aspires to be a famous singer. The movie is about her and her mom’s journey as they move on in their restricted lives; each day seeing Insia in place of one of those singers whose song has hit high in the music charts or imagining her to win music awards. This girl has a strict father who doesn’t like her being involved in music. So, keeping her identity a secret, wearing a veil,  she starts a Youtube Channel with the name ‘Secret Superstar’ and becomes instantly famous. Her life changes after that.

Well, I had been interested in this movie since the day I watched its trailer for the first time, before the start of the film Dangal. For me, the concept of an Internet Sensation  being shown in a movie, was really exciting. I wanted to see how this adventurous, miraculous and life-changing world of Internet was portrayed in the movie.

 

When the time of release of this film arrived, I was skeptical of watching this film. I don’t know why. Maybe because I had been busy and didn’t want to spend ‘3 hrs’ watching a film. Maybe because the promotions and everything else about the movie except the initial trailer didn’t intrigue me. But then one day, I saw a song from this film. The song was ‘Sexy Baliye’. I had avoided watching this video whenever it came on TV for several days. But one day I just thought , ‘”Let”s see it once, what it is!”. I saw. And then I started guessing what would be the exact story of the film. For those of you who don’t know, in this song the music director Shakti Kumar (played by Aamir Khan) is seen dancing with very weird steps. And this song is kind of a parody of Insia’s most popular song ‘Main Nachdi Phiran’. So, I thought that the way there there are some Youtube channels whose ultimate aim is to mock other Youtubers, the same way this Shakti Kumar is trying to make fun of Insia and her songs. And I judged this film to be about Insia’s online presence and the problems she faces in the virtual world to maintain her popularity. I had thought the film to be about how delightful it feels to have an online presence and have a huge fan base there.

 

But but… My predictions failed. And this film came out to be of a completely different concept.  Of course, it showed about this Youtube thing and all, but this film ended with the line:

“To all the mothers and their motherhood….”

So, you all can guess what this film was about. Yes, it was about the bond that every mother shares with her child. It is about all those things that a mother does going out of her way.

 

I don’t wanna make you all emotional by starting to write on this topic, but I do want to say about the mother in the movie. Personally, I felt that the mother’s character was the strongest, and the best written character in the movie. The movie’s plot was not THAT great. The ending was rather a little disappointing for me. But, the best thing about this movie was the role of mother. The little instances in the movie where they show the mother and daughter spending time together, eating together, discussing their problems and possible solutions, taking care of each other, etc. etc. are just fantastically portrayed. The way the girl scolds her mother all the time for not taking a stand for herself and telling her plans to leave her father, it’s all too good. The way the girl shares the joy of getting a good response on internet, the way both of them watch award shows together, all these things are too too sweet. In fact her mother was the one who devised a plan to safely create her online presence.

 

Meher Vij, the actress who played the role of Insia’s mother – I have become a big big fan of her as an actor. I could connect to the mother so so well and I loved her on screen. She was so so sweet in the film. And Meher and Zaira (who plays Insia) share an amazing chemistry between them. I could see a real mother-daughter relationship in them. I wish the internet world would have been explored more in the film. But as I said, this whole film came out to be a different one. And it came out to be a good one. I can’t explain more how good the movie has been in showing the mother-daughter relationship.

 

When I came out from the theatre, I was sure I didn’t like the movie that much. And it was just a normal film for me, that turned out a little good. And I loved the role of mother. And I didn’t feel it was THAT emotional for me.

 

But as days passed, I realised how much I loved the mother-daughter part. Today, I was watching a video ‘The Making of Meri Pyaari Ammi’ (My Dear Mom). And I don’t know how the hell tears welled up in my eyes. All this didn’t make me that emotional in the theatre. But today, it did; and for no reason. I think it was because, as I saw this video I started recalling all the amazing moments in the film. And my eyes were wet now. And then Meher started speaking in the video about her experience while portraying this role with a choked voice. Damn, now I was moved by this movie. And it’s become one of my favourites.

 

At the end I just wanna say that I want that Internet based movie too that I had been hoping for, for too long ! :/

 

Well, if you guys too have a Youtube channel, please feel free to drop the link below in the Comments section. I would love to see your videos!

Good Day!

Hello!

Hello Everyone!

It’s been so long, so so long…. To dare to write after such a long time makes me feel the presence of a strange knot in my heart for a very short duration, but with a very strong impact. Today is Dussehra. I just randomly saw the video of my last performance in my school. And unfortunately, I hold some regrets. Regrets! I wish they weren’t there. But they are there, very significant. I just realised that my performance could have been much much better if I had taken better decisions. Then I saw another group’s performance and realised sometimes you need to be selfish to bring out the best. I realised it is okay not to be kind sometimes. But heart doesn’t allow to do so. And I end up being emotional and not taking practical decisions. I regret not giving a single performance in which I shined like a dancing star. Not one single performance, in which I showed my true potential and let myself dance free. I didn’t showcase the true dancer in me, and now I can never, never again in front of those teachers who loved me too much, who had seen me grow from a pre-primary student to a student graduating the high-school.

 

And I  just realised that it feels so great to let my thoughts free on my blog. I was apprehensive of writing again, for writing demands digging into the deepest parts of our heart that hold painful secrets. But the prize is golden. It feels really great to let all the things out.

 

Hope you are all doing well. !

Enjoy your day!

With Love

-Sheetal

How I Ruined My Life!

Well, life isn’t over yet, but a major and very important part of life is over! MY SCHOOL DAYS!

I don’t know whether I have become ignorant or what, but I just don’t care about certain things the way I used to. I don’t miss the school that badly which I expected to. Maybe it is because we have dreams that we look forward to which are more important now than looking back. But still, I feel that I have lost a part of me. My thoughts are messed up. Maybe you will get entangled in the misplaced strings of my thoughts and fumble. This year is going to be a bit difficult for me coz I have ruined my life so badly that I need to clean up all the mess this year. I have to compensate for the things that I could do, but I didn’t. I have to move on and accept the beautiful things that are in front of me, rather than thinking that I deserve them or not. But it is all difficult. To know, that you don’t deserve it, but still you get that privilege to feel special. It is difficult to accept such a thing. It is difficult when you know that all through you have been wrong. Still, you are given something that not many are given. It is easy to forgive others, but it is damn difficult to forgive yourself. Coz we know what all wrong we have done. We know what good have we done, but we don’t want to hide our wrongs behind our good deeds. Because, we know ourselves in and out. We really can’t hide anything from ourselves. It’s always there in our sub-conscious mind. And someday or the other, we have to face our own truth.

 

So, how exactly did I ruin my life.

 

First, I always said to myself, today isn’t perfect. I couldn’t start my day the way I wanted to. So, I wouldn’t start my work today. Let me leave it for tomorrow when I will start the day perfectly and everything will go the way I planned. My mood is off today. I am in no position to study. Let me start off tomorrow when I will feel well. The truth is, there won’t always be a day the same as you planned. Not always there will be preferential circumstances. That’s what life is about. To survive even when situations aren’t in your favour. Well, I couldn’t survive, coz I didn’t realise this fact. And I kept on procrastinating. There came a time when I lagged behind so much. I started underestimating myself and then came the inferiority complex. Thinking of all those people who have been working hard day and night and then looking at myself- I got utterly disgusted at myself for being such a bad person. All the negativities grew up inside me.

 

Second, holding on to past. I never could move on with certain things in my life. I always payed heed to even the smallest detailing in everyday events of my life, giving importance to even the needles in the haystack, when the needle was not even needed. And that’s when I decided that I wouldn’t care anymore. Maybe that’s why I have become ignorant. Or maybe I am just tired of all the overthinking and over-analysis that I have been doing past so many years. I am a different person now. I have done certain things going out of my way, way out of my character. I  have initiated conversations, I have tried to overlook the thought of ‘what people will think’, I have ended certain things with a heavy heart and have started certain friendships with a brave step. But do I love my new personality? Well, I don’t know! At this point of time, I am just blank! Totally blank! Not having fulfilled my parents and teachers’ expectations when I had the potential to. But I would be honest to myself and tell that I did try to do better, but I tried when it was too late.

 

Third, I never could express my feelings. I could never. I could never take steps to spend time with my loved ones. Never could I take steps to let them know how much I cared for them. And this is one of the things that I highly regret and will be regretting throughout my life. And this is something that I can never ever mend. Coz I won’t ever get a chance again. Coz even if I get a chance, it would be very inappropriate to express them.

 

Fourth, I always took time for granted in pursuit of perfection. I never wanted to settle for anything less than perfection. And perfection demanded time. And this pursuit for perfection is not only for the big things in my life, but even for the small day to day happenings. And because of it, I have lost many wonderful opportunities in my life. Opportunities that I could have grabbed and could turn into beautiful memories. And thus, I don’t have many memories to cherish, only a handful! And only those handful memories have been in replay mode since all this time and that makes me mad and obsessive. But I am happy for one thing at least. That I started grabbing opportunities and lately, there have been certain successes in this field! 🙂

 

Knowing about what all wrong I did, doesn’t mean that I am over all of them. But just that- I am midway in mending them. Hopefully, I would be able to clean up the mess in my life, that I myself have created and I would be able to be a happy person!

 

Thanks for reading a post full of negative truths!

 

Thank You!

 

*EDIT –  Because of this post, I landed up on a post related to ‘How to let go of Perfectionism’ if it is having negative effects on you. Here’s the link if any of you are going through the same thing.

https://createcoachingconsulting.com/free-yourself-from-perfectionism/

 

 

Kya Karoon

Bematlab baaton pe ye aankhein ho jaayein ruansa

Bhari bheed mein, inko chhupana mujhe nahi aata

Behad mushkil ho jaaye jab kamzoriyon ko chhupana

Tab wahi asal mein kehlata hai – kamzor ho jaana.

 

Apne aap se gar hone lage nafrat

Pyaar doosron se hi dhoondha karte hain

Bechain ho jaate hain phir har cheez ko lekar

Phir khudi ko chot pahuncha baithte hain.

 

Zindagi bojh to nahi

Par bemanzil safar ban jaati hai

Aise waqt mein

Kaamyaabi bhi khush nahi kar paati hai.

 

Khud se door ho jaayein jab

Paida ho apni qaabiliyat par shak

Bikhar kar reh jaate hain saare armaan

Mar jaate hain saare jazbaat.

 

Khoye rehte hain khud mein hi

Phir bhi khud ka pata nahi

Waqt hai ki kambakht

Behtar hone ka naam leta nahi.

 

Nam hui aankhein ye

Sab dhundhla sa hua

Kya karoon kya nahi

Kuchh bas mein na raha

Samjhoon kaise koi samjhaye

Mujhe kya hua koi bataye

Dil kya kare jab khudi se

Shikayatein hazaar ho jaaye….

1st BLOG ANNIVERSARY

Today was the day one year ago, that I started on this life-changing journey in this blogging world. And today, I feel proud to have been welcomed by the amazing people here. Not all discover this place, not all experience the joy of writing here, not all experience the elation to meet new people, not all are into blogging, not all gain the gifts it has in store for all of us, free and impartial.

 

Last year, this same day, I had my last Board exam. The year had been going the worst. I had never ever experienced such mental issues in my life. But, today I can proudly say that I have moved on far from that state of me, far from that dark era, far from that low-point. And I have won over it, if not completely, then at least I can say that I am almost over it now.

 

My introduction to this beautiful corner of universe made me realise that Internet is not just entertainment or those social media accounts or just Google or just the researches that we do for our projects. It is so much more than that. To have stumbled up and landed on this site was one of the best parts of my life and I am 200% sure that I would never regret this decision.

 

Even after getting pretty good results in Boards, there was something that was constantly bothering me, even I didn’t know exactly what it was. I had shared many of my feelings and also about my condition on my blog and when I heard the same stories in a different way from other fellow-bloggers, I gained some confidence. I read about how they coped with their problems and it made me think how much these guys have strength in them. Those bloggers inspired me to strive to work for my well-being. And I tried. But it was not within a day that I changed.

 

To be a part of the teen community which consists of people with such brilliant minds is something which binds me to WordPress. I am the kind of person who knows the virtual threats, but still doesn’t step back to make friends online whom I have never met. And trust me, the risk is worth it if you have the confidence to handle problems in this virtual world, if any.

 

The last one year of my life can be termed as the ‘Internet’ era. Yes, not just WordPress, but there’s this another site that I have been very active on. And that is Quora. This is a question-answer website where I read really attractive answers to different varieties of questions from many amazing people. And I have had nice conversations with a few of them. Trust me, meeting and socializing with people, and and and learning something from each of them is the best thing you can do to yourself while just having a simple chat with people. By writing just now about inspirations, I remembered something that I wanna share with y’all.

 

This blog has given me two nice friends. And they are the ones whom I have been missing from quite some time.

These are Amy from Every Word You Say and Rachel from everythingrachel1. These girls have become my net-buddies. But they are inactive here from quite a long time. Amy is probably busy at her University for which she was really excited from so long. So, if any of you guys read this, I wanna tell you that I have been missing you and I want you to update me with all the happenings of your lives! 😉

 

I had always wanted to voice my thoughts. And this blog has given me that channel. And somewhat it has made me addicted here on WP. Now addiction doesn’t mean that I post daily. But, if I have got something to say and it’s an important issue for me I will definitely put it up here. And this gives me so much freedom and independence.

 

I love exploration. And when I explored this site which I had become a fan of, I recommended it to my friends and three of them have followed my recommendation and have started their own blog. One hasn’t written anything yet though, but the other two have 2 and 1 posts respectively. I am sure if you guys follow them, it will motivate them to write more.

So here are their links. Please check if you are free now!

voiceoffeelings

saffrontrailabliss

 

So, coming up to my journey again. Well, nothing much is left to tell you know. But yeah, as I have said in my earlier post, I would like to write it again.

 

Writing has helped me eradicate my worries, my tensions, my mind’s preoccupation, my sadness, my anguish, my outbursts of frustration.

 

Starting a blog made me curious to explore the internet world more. The past year, I have started reading books. But the ones I actually enjoy are the books which are not written by those pro-authors, but they are no less than the pros. They are like you and me. Probably busy in their schools or colleges or initial years of job. But again, like you and me, they also find time to pursue their passion. They write and they beautifully write.

So, I would like to tell you about another site that I have been using past maybe 6 months. The site is BookRix.com. This is a site where anyone can have their own books published in the form of an e-book. And they are super-fun to read.

I have read a Howl In the Night by Lorelei Sutton –  a common fantasy story of werewolves. But what makes such books special for me is the personal touch that the authors give to the characters. So relatable and so attractive characters that you long for those qualities to become yours. This is true not only for the story that I have told you about, but I think it is true for almost all the books at BookRix coz the authors there, are people of our age. And that is the most striking feature that appeals to us to logon there and read some amazing stuff. I am currently reading the MoonCreak series by J A Booker. If you feel like, you can search these books there on BookRix.

 

So, yeah, that was all that I wanted to share about me and my one year long journey here on my lovely blog Desire To Express.

 

I hope this journey continues as long as I live and every year becomes special and each year I learn something more, earn something from here more and experience something from here more, much more than this year.

 

I hope this Teen Community of such amazing people flourishes more and does something good to someone.

 

Cheers to WordPress!

Cheers to all the Bloggers!

 

Thank you all so much for walking by me on this beautiful, magnificent, mesmerizing and a life-changing journey.

 

And, Congratulations to me for my Blog’s 1 year anniversary!!!! J

 

Love You All

-Sheetal