Kill Me !

Kill me as soon as you can

In any way you can

Coz I am a coward

As I can’t survive

As I’m a coward

I cannot end my life.

 

Throat is choked

Each day

Sometimes there’s a reason

Sometimes there’s none.

 

All I’m asking you to do

is to kill me soon

I’m not asking for any favours

to add in my life sweet flavours.

All I’m asking you to do

is to kill me soon

I’ve done a big mistake

To be good & right always

And I can’t change my ways

I just wanna leave this space !

I begged.

Just an awesome piece of writing! The word needs to be spread to bring sensitivity.

I would also like to request you all to watch Fatmagul – a Turkish series that highlights the same issue and shows how the woman strongly fights against this evil and starts her life afresh.

If you would like you can also watch its official Hindi remake titled ‘Kya Qusoor Hai Amla Ka? ” aired on Star Plus.

Trust me – this is th story you need to see!

Srijan.

Walking, on paths unknown.
Right there you were,
In a group of three,
Waiting.

As I walked,
I passed by your words,
This night, a night to remember.

You asked politely,
If you could press my boobs,
An appetite you wished for,
Only to thirst me of the thing,
That made life so beautiful.

My clevage being watched,
By 6 eyes,
On a road so lonely.

Shivers ran down,
And so did your eyes,
As you spanked my ass,
Only to mark the beginning.

I went away,
You followed,
I told you not to,
You did.

With a leap,
You grabbed my hand,
I shouted, you smiled.
Surrounded I was now.

I slapped you,
I lied bleeding now,
With blood near the lips.

I was dragged by my hair,
Howling for mercy,
But you didn’t, care.
Smiling,
I was taken,
To the places so dark,
I wish I would have…

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How I Ruined My Life!

Well, life isn’t over yet, but a major and very important part of life is over! MY SCHOOL DAYS!

I don’t know whether I have become ignorant or what, but I just don’t care about certain things the way I used to. I don’t miss the school that badly which I expected to. Maybe it is because we have dreams that we look forward to which are more important now than looking back. But still, I feel that I have lost a part of me. My thoughts are messed up. Maybe you will get entangled in the misplaced strings of my thoughts and fumble. This year is going to be a bit difficult for me coz I have ruined my life so badly that I need to clean up all the mess this year. I have to compensate for the things that I could do, but I didn’t. I have to move on and accept the beautiful things that are in front of me, rather than thinking that I deserve them or not. But it is all difficult. To know, that you don’t deserve it, but still you get that privilege to feel special. It is difficult to accept such a thing. It is difficult when you know that all through you have been wrong. Still, you are given something that not many are given. It is easy to forgive others, but it is damn difficult to forgive yourself. Coz we know what all wrong we have done. We know what good have we done, but we don’t want to hide our wrongs behind our good deeds. Because, we know ourselves in and out. We really can’t hide anything from ourselves. It’s always there in our sub-conscious mind. And someday or the other, we have to face our own truth.

 

So, how exactly did I ruin my life.

 

First, I always said to myself, today isn’t perfect. I couldn’t start my day the way I wanted to. So, I wouldn’t start my work today. Let me leave it for tomorrow when I will start the day perfectly and everything will go the way I planned. My mood is off today. I am in no position to study. Let me start off tomorrow when I will feel well. The truth is, there won’t always be a day the same as you planned. Not always there will be preferential circumstances. That’s what life is about. To survive even when situations aren’t in your favour. Well, I couldn’t survive, coz I didn’t realise this fact. And I kept on procrastinating. There came a time when I lagged behind so much. I started underestimating myself and then came the inferiority complex. Thinking of all those people who have been working hard day and night and then looking at myself- I got utterly disgusted at myself for being such a bad person. All the negativities grew up inside me.

 

Second, holding on to past. I never could move on with certain things in my life. I always payed heed to even the smallest detailing in everyday events of my life, giving importance to even the needles in the haystack, when the needle was not even needed. And that’s when I decided that I wouldn’t care anymore. Maybe that’s why I have become ignorant. Or maybe I am just tired of all the overthinking and over-analysis that I have been doing past so many years. I am a different person now. I have done certain things going out of my way, way out of my character. I  have initiated conversations, I have tried to overlook the thought of ‘what people will think’, I have ended certain things with a heavy heart and have started certain friendships with a brave step. But do I love my new personality? Well, I don’t know! At this point of time, I am just blank! Totally blank! Not having fulfilled my parents and teachers’ expectations when I had the potential to. But I would be honest to myself and tell that I did try to do better, but I tried when it was too late.

 

Third, I never could express my feelings. I could never. I could never take steps to spend time with my loved ones. Never could I take steps to let them know how much I cared for them. And this is one of the things that I highly regret and will be regretting throughout my life. And this is something that I can never ever mend. Coz I won’t ever get a chance again. Coz even if I get a chance, it would be very inappropriate to express them.

 

Fourth, I always took time for granted in pursuit of perfection. I never wanted to settle for anything less than perfection. And perfection demanded time. And this pursuit for perfection is not only for the big things in my life, but even for the small day to day happenings. And because of it, I have lost many wonderful opportunities in my life. Opportunities that I could have grabbed and could turn into beautiful memories. And thus, I don’t have many memories to cherish, only a handful! And only those handful memories have been in replay mode since all this time and that makes me mad and obsessive. But I am happy for one thing at least. That I started grabbing opportunities and lately, there have been certain successes in this field! 🙂

 

Knowing about what all wrong I did, doesn’t mean that I am over all of them. But just that- I am midway in mending them. Hopefully, I would be able to clean up the mess in my life, that I myself have created and I would be able to be a happy person!

 

Thanks for reading a post full of negative truths!

 

Thank You!

 

*EDIT –  Because of this post, I landed up on a post related to ‘How to let go of Perfectionism’ if it is having negative effects on you. Here’s the link if any of you are going through the same thing.

https://createcoachingconsulting.com/free-yourself-from-perfectionism/

 

 

Beautiful Music Videos -1

Hey Everyone!

How are you all? I hope you are doing good.

From the past few months I have been wanting to share with you all my favourite music videos which always enthrall me. These are the ones which always fascinate me because of their visual appeal. Here’s a list of my favoutites…

  1. Dola Re Dola (Film- Devdas)

    This ever-green classic dance master-piece from an epic movie ‘Devdas’ which has been made several times by many film-makers, is something that will awe you. The beautifully red-themed grand set, the beauty, grace and excellent dance of the great Indian actresses Aishwarya Rai and Madhuri Dixit is something like bench-mark for the Indian film industry. ‘Pinga’ from Bajirao Mastani is apparently inspired from this dance number. The music is too good which will make you thrive with the beats. Every girl back then would dance on this.

  2. Pehla Nasha (Film- Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikander)

    The so called ‘first slow motion song’ was, is and will be the ‘Song of the Lovers’ always. Amazing lyrics, amazing choreography and amazing music, will amaze you with the magic this song creates when you listen it.

  3. Jadoo Hai Tera Hi Jadoo (Film- Ghulaam)

    One line for it – filled with beautiful scenes…

  4. Nimbooda Nimbooda (Film- Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam)

    Enchanting music that will drape you in its dance beats, it will make your heart, mind, soul and body dance.

  5. Khuda Jaane (Film- Bachna Ae Haseeno)

    Another all time favorite. And will be an all-time favorite for years to come. Starring the new generation sensations- Deepika Padukone and Ranbir Kapoor having an amazing chemistry.