My First Music Video – CHALA JAATA HOON

Hey Readers!

I was busy in making a music video for the past 1 month and that’s the reason I was inactive on my Blog.

Have a look at this. A video featuring my Dad!

Hope you all enjoy it!

And yes, please do comment your opinion!

Cheers! 🙂




Mohabbat Ke Maaron!

Mohabbat ki khatir jung ladne waalon

Ye jazba kahan se laate ho?

Apnon se bhi aur gairon se bhi

Bagaawat kar jaate ho!


Kahan se aati hai itni taaqat

Ki apne jazbaaton ki khaatir tum

Mar mitne ko ho tainaat ?

Itna aitbaar hai apne pyaar par?

Itna gumaan hai apne jazbaaton par?

Kya socha tumne kabhi apni chaahat ka kaaran?

Ya kood pade bas, sun ke dil ki dhadkan?

Machle man ki tum baat maan gaye?

Itni aasani se kisi ko dil de gaye?


Kya itna vishwaas hai khud par?

Ki duniya jahaan ko chhodkar

Wo tumpe marne lage..

Wo tumhe chahne lage?

Itna khaas samajhte ho khud ko

Ki poori zindagi wo sirf tumse pyaar kare?


Agar sach mein tum aise ho

To naaz hai mujhe tum par

Eershya bhi karti hoon tumse

Nafrat bhi karti hoon beshumaar…

Aise ho tum, to koi tumsa nahi

Aise ho tum, to badalna nahi !!!


Shut Down

I shut down myself from people

Saying , need to control myself

To become less expressive

And not bother anybody

To give time to myself

And not to worldly issues

To focus on things worthy

And not on friends or foes.


Realised now I stopped sharing

Things that once went to someone’s ears

They knew almost everything about me

And I made sure they knew

Realised now those ears are nowhere near

Those which not just heard events

But feelings and my heart’s vents

And the result is what now

Mouth has become a chatterbox

Speaking all the bllsht

And expecting people to listen

Speaking till they put their eyes away

Or doing a hmm hmm in irritation,

hoping I would stop soon

Their facial expressions

Giving a pang to this goon…


Why this sudden expressive nature?

Coz I have sent all those away

Who used to know my heart’s way

And heart has to speak

And needs someone to take its peak


But who is to blame but me !

I sent away my near and dear ones

Leaving just me, my thoughts and nobody !…




Saamne na sahi…
Khwaabon mein hai tumhari maujoodgi
Pal bana na sakoon saath tumhare
Par yaadon mein hai tumhari deewangi
Aur kuchh na sahi
Bas dil de baithe hain
Izhaar kar nahi sakte kabhi
Par naam roz liya karte hain…
Ab to aadat si hai humko aise jeene mein
Yaadon ke sahare kitni raatein humne bitayi hain
Zindagi ke lamho ki tarah
Wo haseen sapne bhi yaad hain
Jinme meherbaani se kabhi
tumne dastak di hai
Aakhir tumse judi har cheez
Hai humein behadd azeez

Tum bin itni veeraan hai zindagi
Ki sirf tumhara naam lena hi sukoon de deta hai..
Kya hai yeh, kyun hai yeh
Kya khabar, haan magar
Jo bhi hai
Bada achha lagta hai..
Saalon beetne par bhi
Mohabbat qayam rahe
To faqr hota hai.



Har pal… kahe kyun ye mujhse…
Ek aawaaz doon tumhe..
Ek khat.. likh doon tumhe..
Ek paigaam chhod jaaun tumhe…
Ek salaam ..keh doon tumhe..
Bas ek baar baat ho tumse…

Har pal… kahe kyun ye mujhse..
Pal nahi hain ab aur tumhare paas..
Jo bhi hain dil ke khaas
Khol do unhe apne dil ke haseen raaz..
Bas ek baar… bichhde yaar..
Jo ki hai anjaan
Bhej do use
Chaahat ka paigaam
Keh do use
Apne gehre jazbaat..
Reh na jaye ve ankahe
Alvida ka waqt na aa jaye, bina salaam kahe…

Bas ek baar…
Sharm-o-haya chhod ke
Imaan ko darkinar karke
Guroor ko andekha karke
Duniya ko bhool karke
Keh do unhe
Dil mein hai kya
Zindagi ka hissa bana lo unhe phir se..
zindagi ho na jaye zaaya.

Har pal.. kahe kyun ye mujhse
Himmat to dikhao
Ek baar keh ke to dekho
Shayad qismat ho saath tumhare
Shayad unke dil mein bhi
Ho tumhari yaadein
Shayad intezaar unhe bhi ho tumhara
Shayad kehne ko tumse,unka jee machala jaa raha..

Har pal.. dil ghabra jaye
Kya hoga agar wo jawaab na de paye..
Agar unhe hum yaad nahin..
Agar koi mayne na rakhe unhe humari maujoodgi.
Kya hoga agar hum unka waqt barbaad karein
Agar humse bhi zaroori ho unke naye naate
Agar bhool chuke ho hume sadiyon pehle..
Kya hoga agar aisa hua?
Kya iss taaze dard ko tum seh paoge?
Pehle hi zakhmon ko bharte hue..
Itna waqt hai beet chuka
Kya phir se malham lagane ka
Sabr rakh paoge..?
Itna waqt kya tum
phir se de paoge?

Kya hoga agar
Tumhari wapasi unhe taqleef de…
Agar tum purane dard ..yaad dila do unhe
Mushkil se bhoola ho unhone jinhe
Agar saath tumhara ho kamzor karta unhe
Agar gairmaujoodgi ne tumhari sayana bana diya unhe
Wapas jaakar sab tabah kar doge?
Mushkil se jo khatm kiya, yun hi phir shuru kar doge?

Itna aasan nahi aana aur chale jana
Chale jaana aur aana
Tamasha nahi ye pyaar
Par tamasha bana diya tumne
Khel nahi ye pyaar
Par khel bana diya tumne
Qismat ke bharose chhod diya
Phir bhi aas lagakar intezaar kiya..
Aur karte aa rahe ho
Aur karte rahoge
Intezaar jiska kar rahe ho
Wo shayad kabhi na aaye..
Phir bhi tum dheet ho..
Aas lagakar intezaar karoge
Baithe rahoge
Qismat par chhodoge..
Aas lagakar baithoge
Aur intezaar karoge…
Intezaar karoge
Zindagi barbaad karoge..
Aur intezaar karoge…

Har pal… kahega tumse
Intezaar ki ghadi khatm
Ab keh hi do unse..
Zindagi ko hain baaki din chaar
Ye din aayenge na baar baar
Keh do yahi hai mauka-e-izhaar
Bas ek khat
Likh do ek baar…

Har baar… dil darega kahega
Kya hoga agar hui ye aakhri baat
Kya hoga agar hui ye aakhri mulaqaat
Kya iss aakhri milan ko mukammal kar paoge?
Nahi kar paye to zindagi bhar rakhna malaal !




Secret Superstar!


Hope you’re having a wonderful day. A few weeks back, I watched a movie called ‘Secret Superstar’. It’s about a 14 year old girl Insia who aspires to be a famous singer. The movie is about her and her mom’s journey as they move on in their restricted lives; each day seeing Insia in place of one of those singers whose song has hit high in the music charts or imagining her to win music awards. This girl has a strict father who doesn’t like her being involved in music. So, keeping her identity a secret, wearing a veil,  she starts a Youtube Channel with the name ‘Secret Superstar’ and becomes instantly famous. Her life changes after that.

Well, I had been interested in this movie since the day I watched its trailer for the first time, before the start of the film Dangal. For me, the concept of an Internet Sensation  being shown in a movie, was really exciting. I wanted to see how this adventurous, miraculous and life-changing world of Internet was portrayed in the movie.


When the time of release of this film arrived, I was skeptical of watching this film. I don’t know why. Maybe because I had been busy and didn’t want to spend ‘3 hrs’ watching a film. Maybe because the promotions and everything else about the movie except the initial trailer didn’t intrigue me. But then one day, I saw a song from this film. The song was ‘Sexy Baliye’. I had avoided watching this video whenever it came on TV for several days. But one day I just thought , ‘”Let”s see it once, what it is!”. I saw. And then I started guessing what would be the exact story of the film. For those of you who don’t know, in this song the music director Shakti Kumar (played by Aamir Khan) is seen dancing with very weird steps. And this song is kind of a parody of Insia’s most popular song ‘Main Nachdi Phiran’. So, I thought that the way there there are some Youtube channels whose ultimate aim is to mock other Youtubers, the same way this Shakti Kumar is trying to make fun of Insia and her songs. And I judged this film to be about Insia’s online presence and the problems she faces in the virtual world to maintain her popularity. I had thought the film to be about how delightful it feels to have an online presence and have a huge fan base there.


But but… My predictions failed. And this film came out to be of a completely different concept.  Of course, it showed about this Youtube thing and all, but this film ended with the line:

“To all the mothers and their motherhood….”

So, you all can guess what this film was about. Yes, it was about the bond that every mother shares with her child. It is about all those things that a mother does going out of her way.


I don’t wanna make you all emotional by starting to write on this topic, but I do want to say about the mother in the movie. Personally, I felt that the mother’s character was the strongest, and the best written character in the movie. The movie’s plot was not THAT great. The ending was rather a little disappointing for me. But, the best thing about this movie was the role of mother. The little instances in the movie where they show the mother and daughter spending time together, eating together, discussing their problems and possible solutions, taking care of each other, etc. etc. are just fantastically portrayed. The way the girl scolds her mother all the time for not taking a stand for herself and telling her plans to leave her father, it’s all too good. The way the girl shares the joy of getting a good response on internet, the way both of them watch award shows together, all these things are too too sweet. In fact her mother was the one who devised a plan to safely create her online presence.


Meher Vij, the actress who played the role of Insia’s mother – I have become a big big fan of her as an actor. I could connect to the mother so so well and I loved her on screen. She was so so sweet in the film. And Meher and Zaira (who plays Insia) share an amazing chemistry between them. I could see a real mother-daughter relationship in them. I wish the internet world would have been explored more in the film. But as I said, this whole film came out to be a different one. And it came out to be a good one. I can’t explain more how good the movie has been in showing the mother-daughter relationship.


When I came out from the theatre, I was sure I didn’t like the movie that much. And it was just a normal film for me, that turned out a little good. And I loved the role of mother. And I didn’t feel it was THAT emotional for me.


But as days passed, I realised how much I loved the mother-daughter part. Today, I was watching a video ‘The Making of Meri Pyaari Ammi’ (My Dear Mom). And I don’t know how the hell tears welled up in my eyes. All this didn’t make me that emotional in the theatre. But today, it did; and for no reason. I think it was because, as I saw this video I started recalling all the amazing moments in the film. And my eyes were wet now. And then Meher started speaking in the video about her experience while portraying this role with a choked voice. Damn, now I was moved by this movie. And it’s become one of my favourites.


At the end I just wanna say that I want that Internet based movie too that I had been hoping for, for too long ! :/


Well, if you guys too have a Youtube channel, please feel free to drop the link below in the Comments section. I would love to see your videos!

Good Day!


Hello Everyone!

It’s been so long, so so long…. To dare to write after such a long time makes me feel the presence of a strange knot in my heart for a very short duration, but with a very strong impact. Today is Dussehra. I just randomly saw the video of my last performance in my school. And unfortunately, I hold some regrets. Regrets! I wish they weren’t there. But they are there, very significant. I just realised that my performance could have been much much better if I had taken better decisions. Then I saw another group’s performance and realised sometimes you need to be selfish to bring out the best. I realised it is okay not to be kind sometimes. But heart doesn’t allow to do so. And I end up being emotional and not taking practical decisions. I regret not giving a single performance in which I shined like a dancing star. Not one single performance, in which I showed my true potential and let myself dance free. I didn’t showcase the true dancer in me, and now I can never, never again in front of those teachers who loved me too much, who had seen me grow from a pre-primary student to a student graduating the high-school.


And I  just realised that it feels so great to let my thoughts free on my blog. I was apprehensive of writing again, for writing demands digging into the deepest parts of our heart that hold painful secrets. But the prize is golden. It feels really great to let all the things out.


Hope you are all doing well. !

Enjoy your day!

With Love


Kill Me !

Kill me as soon as you can

In any way you can

Coz I am a coward

As I can’t survive

As I’m a coward

I cannot end my life.


Throat is choked

Each day

Sometimes there’s a reason

Sometimes there’s none.


All I’m asking you to do

is to kill me soon

I’m not asking for any favours

to add in my life sweet flavours.

All I’m asking you to do

is to kill me soon

I’ve done a big mistake

To be good & right always

And I can’t change my ways

I just wanna leave this space !

I begged.

Just an awesome piece of writing! The word needs to be spread to bring sensitivity.

I would also like to request you all to watch Fatmagul – a Turkish series that highlights the same issue and shows how the woman strongly fights against this evil and starts her life afresh.

If you would like you can also watch its official Hindi remake titled ‘Kya Qusoor Hai Amla Ka? ” aired on Star Plus.

Trust me – this is th story you need to see!


Walking, on paths unknown.
Right there you were,
In a group of three,

As I walked,
I passed by your words,
This night, a night to remember.

You asked politely,
If you could press my boobs,
An appetite you wished for,
Only to thirst me of the thing,
That made life so beautiful.

My clevage being watched,
By 6 eyes,
On a road so lonely.

Shivers ran down,
And so did your eyes,
As you spanked my ass,
Only to mark the beginning.

I went away,
You followed,
I told you not to,
You did.

With a leap,
You grabbed my hand,
I shouted, you smiled.
Surrounded I was now.

I slapped you,
I lied bleeding now,
With blood near the lips.

I was dragged by my hair,
Howling for mercy,
But you didn’t, care.
I was taken,
To the places so dark,
I wish I would have…

View original post 409 more words

How I Ruined My Life!

Well, life isn’t over yet, but a major and very important part of life is over! MY SCHOOL DAYS!

I don’t know whether I have become ignorant or what, but I just don’t care about certain things the way I used to. I don’t miss the school that badly which I expected to. Maybe it is because we have dreams that we look forward to which are more important now than looking back. But still, I feel that I have lost a part of me. My thoughts are messed up. Maybe you will get entangled in the misplaced strings of my thoughts and fumble. This year is going to be a bit difficult for me coz I have ruined my life so badly that I need to clean up all the mess this year. I have to compensate for the things that I could do, but I didn’t. I have to move on and accept the beautiful things that are in front of me, rather than thinking that I deserve them or not. But it is all difficult. To know, that you don’t deserve it, but still you get that privilege to feel special. It is difficult to accept such a thing. It is difficult when you know that all through you have been wrong. Still, you are given something that not many are given. It is easy to forgive others, but it is damn difficult to forgive yourself. Coz we know what all wrong we have done. We know what good have we done, but we don’t want to hide our wrongs behind our good deeds. Because, we know ourselves in and out. We really can’t hide anything from ourselves. It’s always there in our sub-conscious mind. And someday or the other, we have to face our own truth.


So, how exactly did I ruin my life.


First, I always said to myself, today isn’t perfect. I couldn’t start my day the way I wanted to. So, I wouldn’t start my work today. Let me leave it for tomorrow when I will start the day perfectly and everything will go the way I planned. My mood is off today. I am in no position to study. Let me start off tomorrow when I will feel well. The truth is, there won’t always be a day the same as you planned. Not always there will be preferential circumstances. That’s what life is about. To survive even when situations aren’t in your favour. Well, I couldn’t survive, coz I didn’t realise this fact. And I kept on procrastinating. There came a time when I lagged behind so much. I started underestimating myself and then came the inferiority complex. Thinking of all those people who have been working hard day and night and then looking at myself- I got utterly disgusted at myself for being such a bad person. All the negativities grew up inside me.


Second, holding on to past. I never could move on with certain things in my life. I always payed heed to even the smallest detailing in everyday events of my life, giving importance to even the needles in the haystack, when the needle was not even needed. And that’s when I decided that I wouldn’t care anymore. Maybe that’s why I have become ignorant. Or maybe I am just tired of all the overthinking and over-analysis that I have been doing past so many years. I am a different person now. I have done certain things going out of my way, way out of my character. I  have initiated conversations, I have tried to overlook the thought of ‘what people will think’, I have ended certain things with a heavy heart and have started certain friendships with a brave step. But do I love my new personality? Well, I don’t know! At this point of time, I am just blank! Totally blank! Not having fulfilled my parents and teachers’ expectations when I had the potential to. But I would be honest to myself and tell that I did try to do better, but I tried when it was too late.


Third, I never could express my feelings. I could never. I could never take steps to spend time with my loved ones. Never could I take steps to let them know how much I cared for them. And this is one of the things that I highly regret and will be regretting throughout my life. And this is something that I can never ever mend. Coz I won’t ever get a chance again. Coz even if I get a chance, it would be very inappropriate to express them.


Fourth, I always took time for granted in pursuit of perfection. I never wanted to settle for anything less than perfection. And perfection demanded time. And this pursuit for perfection is not only for the big things in my life, but even for the small day to day happenings. And because of it, I have lost many wonderful opportunities in my life. Opportunities that I could have grabbed and could turn into beautiful memories. And thus, I don’t have many memories to cherish, only a handful! And only those handful memories have been in replay mode since all this time and that makes me mad and obsessive. But I am happy for one thing at least. That I started grabbing opportunities and lately, there have been certain successes in this field! 🙂


Knowing about what all wrong I did, doesn’t mean that I am over all of them. But just that- I am midway in mending them. Hopefully, I would be able to clean up the mess in my life, that I myself have created and I would be able to be a happy person!


Thanks for reading a post full of negative truths!


Thank You!


*EDIT –  Because of this post, I landed up on a post related to ‘How to let go of Perfectionism’ if it is having negative effects on you. Here’s the link if any of you are going through the same thing.