Earlier I used to fear sitting for even 5 mins of meditation. The thought of having to face my thoughts so upfront was scary. Especially in the phase when I was frequently going through episodes of overthinking and anxiety.
But the past two months have been a major transformative phase in my life. It started with just one firm decision one day. I was like, “That’s enough! I need to join a dance class”. I chose the first slot of the day, before the first batch of students swarm in for their fitness dance class. The dance studio is located at an amazing place. The building itself is a lil vintage type, not reallly vintage, but definitely not a modern one, which I like! Yes, I am fed up of mere boxes as buildings these days. I wanna see some uniqueness. Anyway, the studio is in the first floor which has a terrace. The sight of the wideee roads from there and a park at the front, with the golden sunlight early in the morning and chilly breeze, just add up to the amazing vibe! Ah I totally love it!
So, this decision, made me to start making small decisions for every next step that I need to take in a day, which ultimately made me have a routine. So even before I officially start my day at work, I am already done with the most important tasks. Done with my dance, yoga and meditation, breakfast, newspaper, and even shower. And then I sit for my work. Ah, such a nice feeling to be active and totally pumped up for the day since the beginning of your work hour. I feel totally fresh and much much focused.
So now coming to the meditation part. So, it’s not something that is very intensive for me right now. I am a beginner, like total beginner. I started off with sleep meditation on an app called ‘Insight Timer’. You guys can check it out too. It has many free guided sessions. The guided sessions which involve visualisation and soft music work for me. The sleep meditation was calming. But eventually I stopped sleep meditation. Don’t know how and why.
But I incorporated it in my morning Yoga routine.
So my meditation basically involves playing some soothing, some spiritual, some religious songs, some soft unplugged versions, and visualisations. And trust me, doing this really really calms me down, helps me bring focus to my breath, to my centre, the (chakra in your head) as they say. Yes, I can somewhat feel it. And slowly, the other thoughts start to fade away. I literally just visualise ‘aesthetic’ or ‘escape into nature’ type visuals while listening to these songs, and it works for me. Sometimes, I speak to myself in my mind that I am getting back to my centre. And other calming statements that are spiritual, like, gratitude, giving away the fate of results to the Universe (to God), having faith that now you have unloaded yourself from disturbing thoughts, concerns, overthinking and insecurities and have given this task to God to do what’s best for you!
This letting go of power and having faith doesn’t mean I am not taking responsibility for my actions. It just means, that I say to myself that I have done what needed to be done and leave the rest on some supreme power. This way of spirituality intensified when one of my friends asked me whether I pray. I replied a no and he said that I should have some faith. And I myself had a similar philosophy in life, but just that I wasn’t consciously practicing it until now.
During one of my meditation sessions, on a day when I was already a little concerned about what complexities I had within myself, I literally started choking with teary eyes I guess, I felt vulnerable, but in a good way. It felt a positive vulnerability. It felt as if I was confronting all of the negative emotions, which made me almost cry, realising that I did have some pain in my life, with myself and that pain was genuine. But, I felt that feeling, and the feeling left me. This entire session felt like this.And that was such a nice feeling. I got reminded of this instance today because I watched a reel of Ranveer Allahabadia and he was mentioning that the first meditation experience can be scary and negative. And he has had episodes when he has cried or had outbursts of anger while meditating, and I could relate to that.
Although, whatever I have written here comes from a very short span of time, literally just 2 months. But it has had solid impact on me. I hope the results of all of this will be visible to me more profoundly in the coming months, but for now, what’s important to me is that, because of all this, I am finally doing things that I needed to do for a long time to create the life that I’ve always wanted for myself! ❤
I hope I’ll give you some more good updates from my life in the upcoming months ! ❤
And yeah, love and best wishes and strength and courage and faith, to everyone who’s picking up the pieces and finally gearing up to heal and to create the lives for themselves. ❤